VOICES
The Voice of Scott* (Trigger warning- violence, homophobia)
When I met Scott he had just turned seventeen. A time of great change for anyone, this period has been especially tumultuous for Scott. Within the past six months, Scott had come out as gay. A Tallahassee native, Scott grew up around people who “hate f*gg*ts” and were taught to “beat them up if they get near you.” He cultivated an image that fit with this environment, playing sports (though he had no real interest) and choosing a truck to drive that was sufficiently inconspicuous. Though his mother and sister do not have a problem with his being gay, his father is less understanding. Often, in the heat of a fight, Scott’s father will kick Scott out of the house which has led to Scott living out of his truck at times.
When I asked about his sexual orientation and the process of coming out, Scott stated that there was “a lot going on outside of my sexuality.” Scott has been involved in two court cases, the details of which he shared with me. The first was a battery charge filed against a man who attacked Scott for allegedly “hitting on” his daughter. As Scott left the man’s home in his truck, the man chased him in his own car, eventually catching him and beating him while his wife looked on and did nothing.
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The second case was that which forced Scott to come out. Scott described going to high school, pretending to be straight, and the strain that causes. Skipping class often and frequently in trouble with school administrators who seemed intent on his suspension or expulsion. One bright spot was B, who Scott described as a “curious boy,” someone who presented as straight but was curious about his sexuality. Scott described his attraction to B; though Scott was still in the closet at the time, he stated he “did not care who knew” about his attraction to B. The two began a relationship, sending flirtatious text messages as any young couple might do. When B’s mother discovered the texts, B claimed Scott had manipulated him into sending them and that he had raped him. An investigation was opened and it was found that Scott was innocent of the accusation but the emotional damage was already done.
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Scott’s experience of coming out was not ideal and caused many of his friends to distance themselves from him. Though none of them knew he was gay before the incident, learning his sexual orientation caused them to view him differently. Ever resilient however, Scott has begun to construct a new friend group of supportive and like-minded individuals who can relate to him about his experiences and who encourage him to become himself. A sign of Scott’s forgiving nature, he has even reestablished a positive relationship with B, demonstrating remarkable understanding of and empathy with B’s motivation to act as he did.
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The negativity he experienced in school caused Scott to make the decision to drop out and pursue his GED which he earned in a very short time due to his diligence and natural intelligence. At the time of our meeting, Scott had aspirations of earning a welding certification to be able to work construction as a “fall back career.” He did not know what else he might want to pursue in life but on his current track, his future is undoubtedly bright.
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*Pseudonym used.
The Voice of J. (Trigger warning- domestic violence, abuse, homophobia)
I met with Janelly, an eighteen year old Cuban-American girl at a local café. She had reached out to me regarding my project stating she had “an interesting story” to tell and kindly agreed to meet me.
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Janelly came to Tallahassee within the last year after running away from her birth family in South Florida. Though she has since been adopted by two gay women active in the LGBT community, Janelly had a difficult road growing up. As she stated, she was “around bad things from a young age.” Her birth family escaped Castro and immigrated to the United States from Cuba. In Florida though, her family still experienced conflict.
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More troubling however was the abuse that Janelly suffered growing up. She described an incident during her childhood in which she expressed an innocent desire to kiss a woman on television. Her father’s violent reaction left her with the impression “this is what it means to be a lesbian;” persecution. Continuing conflict with her parents about her being gay led to her running away when she was eighteen. However, the trauma she experienced left her with PTSD and episodes of “freak-outs.” During one such episode, she was hospitalized after an overdose. She explained that she was not suicidal, she simply wanted to be rid of the image of her father screaming at her.
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Janelly also experiences Bi-Polar Disorder which runs in her family. She expressed a fear of becoming like her father.
Though she struggled through many challenges, Janelly reports she is now living a much happier life in which she is able to do things she never thought she would have the freedom to do such as the simple act of holding hands with a girl in public. She has also been able to reflect on her experiences which imbued her with a desire to be a voice for children as she had none during her own childhood. She also noted that minority children have a more difficult time than white children, especially if they identify as LGBT. She explained that the stigma of being gay is more negative among Latino families than with whites.
Janelly also reflected on the power of the internet to connect people. During her adolescence, the internet was a means of connecting to others with similar experiences. She laughed when stating that “gay people rule the internet.”
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The epitome of a survivor, Janelly’s future is bright. She intends to become a lawyer for LGBT youth and put right the system which so badly failed her in her own childhood. Janelly encourages counselors to think about the people they serve and be sensitive to their needs. Though she was able to survive her experiences and thrive in spite of them, she related that “there are kids like me that don’t get out.”